I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
