I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize