I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
