I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I love you. Go after that dick
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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