my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize