I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
