Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
