You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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