Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Boobs are out for the taking
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
