Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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