hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
