He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
