I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
