i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
