you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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