i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
