Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
