u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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