funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize