I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
