Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
