You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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