Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize