Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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