I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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