I bet he comes in French.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
