I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
