he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
