so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
