Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize