Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
