you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
