He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
