I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
