Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
