yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Randomize
