We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
