After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
