I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
