sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize