I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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