he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
