I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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