We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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