i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
