You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
