yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
