is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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