the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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