Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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