Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
