I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
