his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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