you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
