Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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