Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
