How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
