you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
