Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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