Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i think i just lost a toe
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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