Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
