She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
