I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
