my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
