i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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