Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just want to make out with him forever
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
