Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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