Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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