Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
