During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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