you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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