Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
