how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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