my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
