Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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