and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
