Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
