Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize