if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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