mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
