I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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