Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
