Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize