Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
