apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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