I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
