just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
