I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize