She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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