just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
