I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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