I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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