I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize