you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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