I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
