Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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