i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
