Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
