White coat. Heels.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
