maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
