I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
