You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
