So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
