I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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