he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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